Yet another study has once again proved shocking. USA Today reports that a study has found that bored teenagers with lots of money are more likely to use drugs and alcohol, and that teenagers are more likely to drink when they are stressed than when they are not.

Well, I am shocked. This just goes to show how there IS a generation gap, because, by golly, in my day we just didn't have time to be bored, no siree Bob. We were too busy doing chores and helping Ma with the little 'uns. And we didn't have extra money, we got a bright shiny quarter every Monday as an allowance and were damn grateful I tell you.....AAAAAHHHHHH! Were these so-called researchers never young? Did all of these parents that are "shocked" by this crap somehow go to high school in some weird Leave It to Beaver dimension? Because I went to a wealthy high-school fairly brimming with bored teens with money and THEY ALL DID DRUGS AND DRANK THEMSELVES SENSELESS!

Oh wait, I see the problem now. Adults have learned from the mistakes of their youth, and it's a well-know fact that bored adults with too much money generally volunteer at homeless shelters and hand out their excess money to the needy. Yes, you don't see adults wasting their time and money desperately trying to entertain themselves by clubbing all night and spending their surplus cash on drugs and alcohol. I mean, just look at the Hilton sisters, or Leo, or Ben and J-Lo. And nobody I know reacts to stress by drinking. They just go to their doctor and get a nice prescription for Zoloft. And then they have a nice bottle of wine and go to bed. Because wine doesn't count. It's just wine.